Erin's Blog

More boring stuff about my life....

I am thinking about asking my psychotherapist to increase my medication dosage. While not thinking about it incessantly, or not even close to the point of acting upon them, I am having constant suicidal thoughts again. :-(

Last week's work was crazy. If I could get used to the schedule, I think I wouldn't mind the run so much. It was just the crazy up-at-the-buttcrack-of-dawn schedule that really drained me. Yesterday was my last day of this run. I got home around 11am. And slept. I slept straight through until 6:30 or so this morning. Damn, I was tired. I feel much better now, except for my aching back (you know, the ache you get from sleeping too long?).

I have an appointment up near Mel today, so I think I will try to pick up some of the last of my stuff. I sent her an IM asking her to call me, hopefully she will before I get up there.

There is a guy on AOL who keeps IMing me. It is getting annoying. No amount of talking to him repels him. For those that wish to have some fun, IM him: robgarcia303

For that matter, IM me: ErinFordGrrl :-)

::hugs::

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Work has been kicking my butt recently. I got a hold down this week -- a shift that I will be driving all week -- that I have to be at work and ready to drive by 2:30am. That means I get up around 1am. I've been exhausted because of this weird schedule. I am taking naps throughout the day and am constantly tired. I wouldn't mind having this run for a long period of time, so my body clock would have time to adjust to the schedule, but I am guessing on Monday of next week I will be driving something else again. Reminds me of the rotating schedule I used to work at USAT, LOL!

I've been e-mailing a friend from high school, N, who was in my Russian classes and who went to Russia with me in 1991. She knew of my website before I transitioned, so when she went to look at it more recently, she was surprised. I know I'd be too, LOL! She tried to call me earlier to chat, but I was asleep (see the paragraph above). I will try to contact her again tomorrow to catch up on old times.

I'm tired and have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn again tomorrow (in 4.5 hours).

'night!

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Well, since my last entry a lot of things have happened. I am in my new place now. I went up to Mel's and got a lot of the stuff with three of my friends. We couldn't get a few more boxes and some things that wouldn't fit in my car.

I have cable installed, so now I have internet. E-mail away, and I will probably get back to you later that day or the next day.

Saturday, Ci and I went down to Albuquerque, NM. I had never been to New Mexico, so now I can add another state to my list. :-) She has some friends down there we went to visit. It was a fun trip -- I enjoy spending time with her.

This week at work I have a hold down -- a shift that I will have for the entire week. It starts at 2:30am, which means I need to get up at 1am every morning. ::Yay!:: I did it earlier this morning, and it isn't a bad run. I even got $2.00 in tips for handling luggage for some airport customers.

Well, I am going to take a nap -- I am exhausted from work, and I have to go back at 4pm to drive a tripper -- a short piece of work.

::hugs::

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Well, I have a place. I sign the papers later today, at 3pm. I move in on Saturday. I already called a mover and confirmed that he can help me out on Saturday. All of you that want to know the new address, e-mail me with the "contact" link above and I will send you the new info. I won't even turn on the phone there -- I have unlimited use on my cell phone, so that will be my "catch-all" number. I will be getting internet through Comcast.

I talked with C the other night and (at the advice of my therapist and with Ci beside me cheering me on) I told her like it is. She wasn't happy and basically hung up on me. My therapist suggested I write C's father (who constantly gives her money) and ask for re-imbursement for the items that were stolen. I think this is a great idea. I will also talk to an attorney (luckily, as one of our benefits, we get free legal advice) to see what my options are. Several friends have suggested I sue her, however, I know she doesn't pay any of her other past debts, so I doubt I'd get anything from her. That is why my therapist suggested I send a letter to her father, and possibly include him in the suit.

In the meantime, things are going OK. I am staying at my friend Ci's place. She has been very cool about the whole situation, and I am greatly indebted to her. I need to think of something to do for her.... A card would be cheesy, something more substantial. Any ideas? E-mail me.

Gotta run to sign those papers and get back to work....

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Well, shit. I came home the night of the 6th to find most of our stuff strewn out over the lawn and street in front of our apartment building. My roomie didn't pay her rent.... Dammit.

Notice, I said most of our stuff. Yup, there were people digging through our stuff when I got home. My $900 TV is gone, as are my two laptops, my digital cameras..... Kids, don't look at this next paragraph, mmkay?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity-fuck-fuck FUCK!

OK, now that that is out of my system....

C and I went to get a hotel room to sleep in for the night. I crashed right away from the stress and the exhaustion that had come over me from getting up so damn early in the morning for work that day.

When I woke up, I took a shower and went to work. I probably will never see C again. She's screwed me over too many times, it's unreal. A friend? Riiiighht.

I decided to sleep at work. I stole a towel from the hotel (yup, they took all our towels, too) so I could shower at work. Luckily, there is a single shower stall in each restroom.

After work, Ci called and asked if I was doing anything. Um, nope. I didn't have anywhere to go, nor any money to spend. So I came over to her place and she was nice enough to have some dinner out for me. McDonald's, but I'm not going to complain. Food is food, especially when you're broke.

We brainstormed a bit about what to do. We decided on a place that I liked the best from our apartment shopping sprees over the past few weekends, and I called the manager and left a message that I needed to move in ASAP.

Whilst brainstorming, Ci offered her place to me. I was shocked, but happy as well. She said that I could stay there until I get my own place, hopefully sometime next week. Thank goodness! I really appreciate her helping me out in my time of need.

I went to the car and got my toiletries and a change of clothes, and came back to her place and crashed on the couch.

Yesterday I worked. I came home and we went to see Ci's son and his wife. They are living in the apartment that I will likely be renting, and are moving out. We helped them get some things from Ci's place, and then said goodbye. It was sad, I barely knew them and I was crying right alongside everyone!

Ci and I had a nice talk after we got back to her place. The weather was nice, so we sat out on her balcony and watched the drug dealers and buyers do their business below us. I'd never witnessed a deal before (that I knew of), so it was interesting. It was even more interesting when the police helicopter came around with the spotlight looking for the dealers, LOL!

Today I worked at 4:00am, picked up a tripper that lasted until 8:30am, and then was on report from 9:00am - 12:00 noon. At noon, I asked if I could go home, and the supervisor said I could, then handed me more work for later today. I have to go back at 4:15pm to work a 40X and an 82X until 7:45pm. Fun, fun, fun. Another loooong day. Luckily, I have tomorrow off.

Because of my work schedule today, I had to re-schedule my therapy appointment. Luckily, my therapist let me pay her in advance, so that is all paid for. Sweet!

I am using the Public Library's computer because mine were stolen. Yikes. I don't know how often I can get to the library to do my blog entries or to respond to e-mails, so friends, if you're reading this and it's been a while since you've e-mailed me, fear not! I am probably, most likely OK, I just haven't had a chance to get to the library to get online....

In any case, I have to run back to work....

Good night!

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Yesterday in between shifts at work, I met Ci for breakfast (I worked 4am - 8am, and met her after the morning piece). We went around looking at more apartments, and I think I found a place I really like that is a little cheaper than the other place I was seriously considering.

After apartment searching, I went to visit my therapist. The session went well. We talked about how to deal with loss, how I should be more assertive/stand up for myself, as well as the whole bathroom issue at work (see the June 22nd entry, below). She said she would have had her letter ready for me if her printer didn't get all jammed up. We scheduled another session for Friday.

I went to lunch at Subway, and then went back to work for my afternoon/evening piece from 4pm - 7:30pm.

I changed clothes while at work and Ci, some friends from work and I went to a club here in Denver called "The Church." Yup, it is in an old church. It's actually a very cool idea, executed extremely well. Last night was "First Friday" where on the first Friday of every month, it is a lesbian hangout. Oh man, I had fun last night! There must have been almost 1,000 people there -- it was packed.

Ci and our friends from work all bailed by 10pm. I hung around until 1am. I got hit on by a few girls, too! Crazy. I got a little happy with the alcohol. I haven't drank quite this much since college. Yikes.

After The Church, I was pretty darned hungry. I went to Pete's Kitchen which is not only on the way home (a short way from The Church), but it is also a Denver landmark, not to mention it's damn good.

When I got home last night (this morning?) I crashed. I woke up feeling awful -- and not hangover awful -- I am coughing up phlegm and having problems breathing, which is usually (for me, anyways) the first sign of an oncoming cold. Yuck. I probably got it from C, who is claiming she has bronchitis, LOL. It's a cold C, get over it. :-)

Anywho, I think I will get up and shower and get something to eat. I want to get out of the apt, but I am not sure what to do. Maybe I'll go see that new Michael Moore movie?

::hugs::

_erin

More boring stuff about my life....

Well, things are going well. Went to the clinic yesterday to do a "TG intake" and for a psych appointment.

Been working really hard. Had 17 hours of overtime on the check I got on the 30th.

Things between C and I are getting better. We talked about the trust issues a bit. I still don't trust her completely and am still hiding my money.

My dad and I had a good e-mail exchange around father's day. I miss him and told him several things that had been on my mind in a card that I sent. It sparked a nice conversation via e-mail.

I've been spending more and more time with Ci. We went to the Denver Pride Fest together with some more of her friends from RTD. We had a great time. Here is a pic of us together:



Um, that's me on the left, in case you didn't know, LOL! :-)

I'm making friends at work, which is nice. There are over 1000 drivers at RTD, but I figured I'd rather know some of them by name instead of their employee number.

In any case, I will try to be more diligent in updating my blog. Apparently, I am upsetting my fans! :-)

::hugs::

_erin