Erin's Blog

Today Mel and I went to get driver's licenses here in Colorado. Again, I have to say that Colorado is one of the most messed up states I've ever seen. They didn't actually give us our licenses. Yup, they gave us a piece of paper that says our Oregon licenses were "turned in" and that the paper license is good for 30 days. WTF?

Colorado also has the DMV set up to _only_ do licenses and ID cards. Each individual county does vehicle registration/titling/plates. So, in order to get our cars registered, we have to go to a different place than where we got our licenses. Argh! Every other state I've been in has the DMV where you can get it all done in one place at one time. The lady behind the counter at the license office even said that she loves the state, but that the gov't is "a pain in the rump!"

Mel and Bonnie have been going to the local community center to swim and do water workouts. Kind of neat, but not my thing. I am glad they are enjoying it, though. They do smell kinda funny when they get home -- they use the showers and the lotion there.... I think it is the lotion.

I'm getting hungry and they aren't home from the workout yet. My car is in the shop getting my brakes replaced, and Mel decided to take her car to the rec. center, even though she went with her sister, and her sister drove their car, too. So I'm stuck at home, with whatever food we have here. Not a good selection. Oh well. Guess I'll go pick something out and fix it for dinner.

Night!

_erin

Haven't posted in a few days now... Arrgh, I need to make this part of my daily routine.

Mel and I had a serious discussion last night. We talked about our recent "distance-ing" from each other, our future, etc. It is interesting that I learned that Mel doesn't feel she can talk to me. She basically said it straight to my face last night and I couldn't help bursting out crying.... Basically, she thinks I have changed (and I admit, I have changed quite a bit recently) and she isn't too happy with these changes. She asked me to basically stop changing -- to come to a point where things can remain constant for a while. I agreed to do that for her. I think that what she asked is not unreasonable.

Today we took Bonnie's van back to the Dodge dealer for the warranty replacement master cylinder. We dropped it off, ran a bunch of errands, met Bonnie for lunch, and came home for a break. We then picked Bonnie up from work, picked up her van and went to dinner at Chipotle. Pretty decent dinner, too.

After dinner, I came home (and am now writing this) and Mel, Bonnie and Mel's younger sister went shopping. They invited me, but I wasn't feeling up to it.

My stomach has been kinda gurgling all day and it is really bothering me right now. I think I will take some of the "pink stuff" -- it might help it calm down a little.

Oh well, that's it for now.

Night!

_erin

Last night I went shopping to buy Mel some birthday presents. While at the mall, I got my ears pierced! This is the first time I have gotten my ears pierced, though I have had other things pierced (nipples, tongue). It didn't hurt much at all, my ears just felt very warm. The antiseptic that they gave me (three bottles of it!) has a "cooling agent" so it helps cool them down when I clean them twice a day. I got three 4mm titanium balls in each ear, all in the lower part of the lobes.

Mel didn't notice I had done them until about an hour after I got home. :-) She is too funny.

Today I went shopping again to get the rest of her presents.... Hehe, she will be happy when her birthday comes around in a few weeks.

On the way home from shopping, it started snowing. It has really come down a lot -- there are already three inches of snow out there! I was kinda worried because Mel and Bonnie went on some errands and they didn't get home until about 3 hours after I did. They said they saw many accidents on the way home, I am just glad they made it safely!

With the 401(k) money, I paid off my car ::yay!!:: and have bought some things that I have needed for a while -- some new clothes and some brakes for my car! My car's rotors are warped AGAIN. This time I bought some heavy-duty "police pursuit" rotors for my car from this company called "Command Automotive" ( http://www.commandautomotive.com/ ) in Tennessee. Supposedly, they are guaranteed to never warp! ::yay!!:: This is the third time that I've had to either replace or turn the rotors on my car, and I've only had it less than 4 years! Speaking of that, that makes this car the car I've owned the longest! I hadn't thought of that.... Eeenterestink!

I am busy trying to save some disk space on my desktop Mac. For those of you who don't know, I am a computer geek, so I have a sheeload of computers -- a Mac G4 desktop, a Mac laptop "iBook," a PC laptop and three desktop PCs as well as some old Pentium I class PCs that are being used for doorstops. I am going through all of my program installers (I keep them all on a 120GB WD SE drive) and compressing them using Apple's Disk Copy. So far I have saved over 2GB of space -- not bad. I should be finished tonight. This procedure is a Good Thing(tm) because now I will be able to back up more installers on CD than I could before.

I haven't eaten dinner yet, and I am _starving_. Gonna run and get some food.

Night!

_erin

Wow, I just noticed I haven't updated my blog in the past few days, shame on me!

I haven't been too busy -- mostly Mel and I have been staying at home, surfing, looking for jobs here in the Denver area.

A few days ago I talked with a nice lady who heard my radio interview. She is doing a research project for a class in college and she asked if she could talk to me once a week for four weeks. I agreed. We talked on the phone for the first meeting (her son was sick and it was snowing, so meeting in person wouldn't work). We arranged a meeting for Tuesday! When we chatted on the phone, we talked for more than an hour and a half! :-) She seems real nice.

I sent a bunch of CDs to my friends the other day too. I stayed up all night making them one night. Hopefully, they will enjoy the contents.

Dinner has been a hot topic around here lately. Mel keeps making things she knows I don't like. It reminds me of my grandmother when I was a kid -- she would make food that I didn't like just so I would lose weight. Arrgh! In any case, she made turkey the other night. They all sat down around me, eating the turkey while all I had on my plate was some stuffing and mashed potatoes. The stuffing was good, the mashed potatoes were way too dry and were lumpy. I ate the helping of stuffing and threw away the potatoes after taking one bite. Afterwards, I went to McDonald's and got the $1 double-cheeseburger and the $1 fries. I brought it home and ate it right in front of them! Later, Mel told me that was rude. Oh man, did I go off! I told her how rude I thought it was of her to make something that I _hate_, and not make anything that I would eat, and then eat it in front of me when I was hungry! Arrgh!

The other night I made some teriyaki chicken that had been frozen forever and looked disgusting when I was squeezing it out of the plastic bags. I grilled it for her, and then left to go get my own dinner.

Tonight, they made home-made chicken soup. Blech! The whole house now smells like it. I told them the smell reminded me of "old people's houses" and they went off on me about how rude I have been recently! Whatever, I was just commenting on the smell, not how the food tastes (I will never know because I ain't touchin' that crap!).

Oh well, all this talk of food is making me hungry. Bonnie and Mel are in the other room gobbling down the soup. Time for me to go out and get something that I will actually eat. Maybe I'll bring home some Chipotle and eat it in front of them? Or not. That would be mean.

Night!

_erin

Today was pretty boring on the fun-o-meter. Mostly we did errands and household chores. ::yay!::

I am making a bunch of CDs for my friends. Kazaa is indeed a wonderful tool! :-)

Looks like the check will clear tomorrow. Finally.

I helped Bonnie build a Dell system to replace her aging 380MHz K6 POS. P4 2.6 GHz, 640MB ECC PC3200 RAM, 60GB 7200rpm drive, Intel 875P chipset, etc., etc. all for only $800. Not bad at all. She seemed pretty happy with it.

I think I just might pick up one of these boxes for myself to replace my ::ahem:: aging P3 700 MHz system. I can hand me down the 700MHz to Mel, who currently has a 500MHz P3.

Oh well, tis late.

_erin

Today I dyed my hair pink, just like I have always wanted. The pink didn't turn out to be the color I wanted. I bought Special Effects "Atomic Pink" color. It is more magenta than pink, though I imagine the color will become less and less intense with each shampoo. Looking at a Special Effects retailer online, I think the color I _really wanted_ was called "Cupcake Pink." Live and learn.

Mel says she doesn't like it, though (despite the color being slightly different from my original anticipation) I do like it a lot. It was worth all the crap I went through to bleach my hair. :-)

Today was pretty boring. I worked on my website some more while Melissa basically slept all day.

_erin

Yesterday I was on the radio! I applied at Denver's KALC "Alice" 105.9 FM for a nose job. I told them the truth on the application -- that I was a transsexual and wanted to make my nose look more feminine. They thought it was interesting and arranged an on-air interview! I taped it, sucked it into my PC and MP3'd it. You can get it here:

http://www.pycckuu.org/kalc.mp3

It is approximately 9 mins long, and is 8.3 MB. There is some stuff about Britney Spears' marriage at the beginning, but I left that in to keep the station identification info that came just before the Britney info.

Yesterday and today we ran a bunch of errands for Bonnie. Yesterday we took her van to the wheelchair ramp installer for a warranty repair and a 6-month service. We also got Mel's car towed to the repair shop. At the repair shop, the guy said it probably _wasn't_ her fuel pump with the problem, but was more likely her distributor. That is good news, as the repair is about half the cost of the fuel pump estimates we were getting.

Today we took Bonnie's van to the Dodge dealer to get the brakes looked at. They were grinding pretty badly. The estimate was for $461 -- it needed new rotors and pads on the front. They also said the master cylinder was malfunctioning somehow, and that they would replace that under warranty when the part comes in next week sometime.

Yesterday I got a huge check from cashing out my 401(k). I need the money to pay off my car and pay some bills. It is deposited, but still hasn't cleared. As soon as it clears, I will pay off my car (::yay!::) so I won't have to worry about the $400/mo car payment. Mel and I will also use the money to get our licenses and registrations switched over to CO as well.

That's about it for now...

_erin

Today was pretty boring -- we tried to get Bonnie's van serviced, unfortunately they don't have an open appointment until Thurs. Bummer. We got a few estimates for Melissa's car, too. Looks like a bad fuel pump. Bad news is that the pump is _in_ the gas tank. This = more money for labor costs. Cheapest estimate we got was $555.00. We only paid $675 for her car in the first place! Oh well, the car is in great shape otherwise, it would be sad to scrap it for such a "fixable" thing.

I sent in my application for the Extreme Makeover show today. I also applied to win a nose job on a local radio station, KALC. They will be offering other surgeries over the next few weeks, as well. I will _definitely_ apply for the boob job when that comes along! :-)

Otherwise, today was pretty plain.

_erin

Today we went on a bunch of errands. The trouble with Mel's car appears to be the fuel pump. We will call around on Monday to find out some estimates on replacing the fuel pump.

Mel and I have had some serious conversations about our future these past few nights. I want to go to counseling, to see if we can work some of these issues out.

Short entry today.

_erin

Today I received an e-mail from my father. He says basically that he will support me in my decision and that he still loves me. ::yay!:: This is a Good Thing(tm).

We had our meeting with Rachel and the kids today... It was actually quite boring -- they hadn't prepared any questions, and when I asked if they had any questions for me, they couldn't come up with anything better than, "are your eyebrows plucked?"

I bleached my hair some more today. This time I used some 20 vol. and it didn't burn my scalp or neck. It lightened the hair a bit more, but there is still a few sections of orange left. I think I will give up and just dye it pink now.

I got a response to one of my resumes. The consulting company said they will call me on Monday to discuss hiring options.

I withdrew a bunch of money from my 401(k) today as well. I will use it to pay off my IRS debt and my car. I will try to use the leftovers to pay some student loans and credit card bills. I need to put a chunk of it in savings for when the IRS gets the info -- I will need to pay taxes on the withdrawal. Oh well, when you're unemployed, you gotta do what you gotta do. :-)

My friend Neil's idea to apply on the Discovery Channel might actually come through for me. I am applying on the TV show "Extreme Makeover" on ABC. Hopefully, they will accept me for at least _some_ of the surgery. Every bit counts! :-)

Night!

_erin

Well, Bonnie told her youngest daughter today. I just found out less than an hour ago. Looks like we will have a fmaily meeting to discuss some questions she might have.

Looks like my web server is back up and e-mail is once again working. I think I lost a few days worth of e-mail there. Oh well. If it was vitally important, they would have gotten a bounce and would try to resend it later.

My friend from VA has sent another e-mail today that makes me even happier I have made this choice to come out to everyone. She truly is turning out to be a great supporter! :-)

Night.

_erin

Well, my website is still down. I saw a posting on my host's web page saying one of their lines to Verizon is down and should be back up and running tomorrow. Hopefully, that means my site will be back up as well.

I bleached my hair tonight. I used a Manic Panic 40 vol bleach that really _burned_ my neck. I had to take the bleach out after only 30 mins because it hurt so badly. It considerably lightened my hair, but not light enough to do the pink hair dye yet. I will have to get several 20 vol kits and continue to bleach it over the next week or so.

We got David's car registered today. It was a major PITA, though. We went to pick his car up from the shop that we had it towed to yesterday. It ran fine after the new starter! ::yay!:: We then went to emissions testing. Emissions took 1.5 hours of waiting and 15 mins of testing. Then we went to the Motor Vehicle registration for Adams County. They do things differently here in Colorado.... I have lived in three states -- Maryland, Virginia and Oregon -- that have both the driver's licensing and vehicle titling/registration done in one place -- the DMV. Here in Colorado, the licensing division is run by the state and the motor vehicle titling/registration offices are run by the county. They, therefore, are in different buildings, very far away from each other. Bizarre. Well anyways, after getting to the registration center, there is a nice little sign on neon pink paper that says they won't do VIN inspections today because of the temperature (it was 27 degrees F). Yuck. We ended up going to the Northglenn police department and paying them $9 to do the VIN inspection for us. The cop was nice about it, and was pretty funny too. He checked the VIN over his radio, and then when the response came back, he was joking with us like the car was stolen and used in a bank robbery.... We were all laughing for a while after that one. Well, now with VIN inspection in hand, we go back to the registration office. This time we have everything we need, and get the car licensed! Because the bill of sale was signed to Melissa, we had to put her name on the title, too. Now we have to wait until the title is mailed to us, then we can take it back to the office, pay $9.50 and have Mel's name removed from the title. Yuck.

Mel has been having some problems accessing our mail server. I changed some settings on it for her, and now things seem a little better. Hopefully those will be the last of her problems.

_erin

Bizarre. DNS for my web server just seemed to stop working all of the sudden. I sent an e-mail to my hosts to find out what is up.

Today we worked on getting David's car through the DMV process. David is my wife's sister's boyfriend. In any case, we got a new battery and installed it. The car wouldn't start (although the battery was fine and all electrics in the car worked fine). We called AAA to tow the car to the shop. My AAA membership had expired. We renewed the AAA, and the truck came and took him to the shop. While the truck was here, he gave my car a jump, too. The bitter cold here seems to have affected my battery which is less than a year old. David's car needs a new starter. Parts, labor, etc. will be around $250. Ouch.

The kids saw my fried hair today for the first time -- they all say they like it just like it is. I will need to take some pics and post them. I actually kinda like it too, but I still want to bleach it all the way. Maybe go as a blonde for a while, then Atomic Pink, baby! Mel isn't too happy about the whole hair thing.... She thinks it is irresponsible whilst I am job-searching. I can see what she means, and maybe I will keep it blonde until I get a job. Who knows?

Mel and her mom went to the VA hospital with a bunch of home-made goodies for the staffs of the nursing home, MICU and the dialysis unit. They wanted to thank them all for the great job they did taking care of Freddie his last few months.

I am posting and reading a lot on Yahoo! groups these days. The "ffs-support" group is a great resource, as is the "sexualreassignmentsurgery" group. I am learning a lot from similar ladies who have "been there, done that." I can't wait until I can afford both of those surgeries! My friend Neil had an off-the-wall idea: call up the Discovery Channel and let them chronicle my transition. Of course, they would have to pay for the surgeries for the permission to do the story. Kind of a neat idea. Crazy enough that I like it.

Oh well, gotta jet.

_erin

I messed up my hair today. Big time. I had dyed my hair black (as I have come to do for the past few years) a couple weeks ago, and I decided that I wanted to get rid of the black dye. I found a group online that has a FAQ about removing hair color:

http://www.knaresboroughsatellite.com/bleaching4.htm

I bought some dye remover and applied it according to the directions, however, my hair is now blonde in places, red in other places, and dark brown in yet other places. It looks totally bizarre.

Eventually, I will bleach it all (to light, light blonde) and then dye it all fluorescent pink. I am still awaiting the bleach kit and dye -- they should be arriving via USPS soon, as I bought them on eBay a while back. In the mean time however, my hair looks hideous. Oh well. The things one does to be beautiful! :-)

In other news, I have been having a great e-mail conversation about religion with one of my friends from Virginia. She's great, and we have been engaged in a thought-provoking discussion about God, the Bible and man's interference with the Bible and God's wishes. Now, so you know, I am not a very religious person -- I don't attend church regularly, but I do believe that God exists. My wife is Catholic, and my friend is an ex-Catholic. Makes interesting reading. With her permission, I might post some excerpts from our e-mail back-and-forths right here, for you, the Internet reader.

Oh well, it is late and I am tired. Off to bed!

_erin

Got a nice e-mail from one of my friends back in VA and his wife. They are truly awesome to say the least. I didn't think that they would reject me, and they lived up to my expectations.

I added a FAQ section to the web site last night in an effort to answer some of the most common questions that I am getting from those that I have sent The Letter(tm) to. Hopefully it will explain where I need to go with this whole GID thing.

_erin

Yesterday was an encouraging day for me! Audrey, of the Virtual FFS site sent me my virtual FFS pictures! I posted them along with her analysis up on my web site at:

http://www.pycckuu.org/virtualffs/

I still haven't heard from my parents regarding The Letter(tm), so I am a bit worried. I have heard back from most of my friends and my brother, but not the 'rents. Oh well.

_erin